Why is loneliness a trap, and how to get out of it?

The feeling of loneliness is a personal experience, which is determined not by the quantity our relations, but by their subjective quality.

Not all single people live in isolation

A person can have many friends around or he can live with a partner, but still feel the pain from deep emotional or social isolation.

For some of us, loneliness begins gradually.

One part with a friend, the other leaves the child, the third – 70% of the time takes work.

And before we realize that the circle of communication that supported us in the past has ceased to exist, it turns out that we spend most of our days off alone.

For some, a sense of loneliness:

Maybe the result of a life related to leaving the institute, employment in another city, loss of a partner as a result of death or divorce, retirement, relocation to another country.

Feeling of loneliness

The feeling of loneliness contributes to changes in the psychology of man. The longer our loneliness lasts, the more it can influence our thinking and judgments that will contribute to our isolation.


The feeling of loneliness affects our perception in such a way that we are more likely to look at our existing relationships more negatively and pessimistically. We begin to think that people are not interested in our company and that if we turn to them, they will reject us. As a result, we show very little initiative in communication and begin to look for excuses to refuse an invitation when we receive them.

Our negativity and resentment towards friends further exacerbate the situation in which our own reactions repel friends even more. We cease to notice that we ourselves create a distance, we perceive their behavior as a confirmation of their fears, and we remain convinced that they no longer want to communicate with us.
Loneliness is very noticeable to other people who, most likely, will find you less interesting and less attractive. This perception, in combination with your negative and suspicious, will make it even more difficult for you to establish new social and romantic connections.

The feeling of loneliness is to some extent contagious. Studies have shown that over time, single people “infect” others so that they too are pushed to the periphery of their social connections. As a result, our friends and the remaining social contacts can cause a reduction in opportunities for social ties.

Being socially and emotionally isolated, we lose our social skills. Skills often weaken when you do not use them. If things go wrong, when we try to use these skills, we do not think that they have weakened, but we consider this as yet another proof of our fundamental undesirable-ness.

How to get rid of loneliness

In order to emerge from our sense of loneliness, we must do several things, each of which is related in one way or another with the acceptance of them on faith.

Take the initiative. If you are socially isolated, consider volunteering, participating in public works or participating in some other type of activity that you like.

This is a good way to meet people. In addition, try to go through the phone, e-mail addresses, address book, and social networks on the list of people you have not spoken to for a while. Do not tune yourself psychologically, saying that they are not interested in communicating with you.

Instead of this:

Give others a presumption of innocence. After you have compiled your list of friends and acquaintances, contact one of them every day. Yes, they may not have communicated with you for a while, but give them a chance. Invite them to coffee or tea, or even just talk on the phone, and you will be surprised at how many of them will gladly meet with you, especially if you remember that:

People should be approached with optimism. It’s okay that you feel the fear of rejection, but you have to train yourself to be in the right mood when you address people. You do not have to be overly cautious and unattractive emotionally.

Psychology-best.ru reminds you: the essence is that you have to recognize that your sense of loneliness is a trap that requires effort, courage, and faith to escape.

But the sweeter will be free, as soon as you do it.

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