Divorce means interrupting a family union.
As a rule, this does not happen immediately; for this, there are many years of losing mutual understanding, resentment, and disappointment.
However, nevertheless, if there is still a decision on divorce, in any case, it is a painful procedure.
This is a great stress, which is difficult to handle.
After all, during the years of marriage, the couple is connected to a common house, property, and most importantly, our children.
Many decide to stay married and live like strangers, only to preserve the illusion of the family. However, if all this happened, it is important to learn how to survive the divorce as painlessly as possible.
The difficulty of divorce is also in the fact that divorce breaks down all the psychological attitudes that have been laid down in the child since childhood.
About all situations that can happen in the course of life. It always seems that bad things can not happen to us, only to other people.
However, marriage collapses quite noticeably, if you look from the side to change the relationship.
How to avoid divorce
In order not to think about how to survive a divorce from her husband, you need to warn him. There are several rules for avoiding divorce.
It is not necessary to accumulate grievances and silently tolerate the antics of a spouse or spouse. Since for some reason the marriage did begin to exist, the spouses understood each other and were able to talk, and also had common interests, and then for some reason somewhere it happened. In the event that the spouses began to talk in different languages, then one must learn to understand each other again.
For this, one can now turn to a family psychologist who will help settle the conflict.
We must not be afraid to talk about what does not like each of the spouses. Of course, because of the work of each, there is not much time for communication, nevertheless, it is necessary to speak softly about the negative aspects of the relationship. Marriage is the second work that is aimed at preserving harmony in the family and not losing oneself in these relationships.
It is necessary to stir up love for each other, not to allow neglect and loss of interest in the spouse. Interested in work, plans, failures, and findings. Ironically, but living under the same roof, the couple may not know about the changes in life. As if everyone gets their responsibilities in the family and further they diverge on different sides of the road.
It is necessary to recognize the right of the partner to make a mistake. As is known, in the concept of each person before marriage, that the union of loving hearts leads to complete idyll, and on the joint path of this pair there will never be difficulties.
However, in fact, each of the couple before marriage and after marriage was and remained a man with their own merits and demerits, so you need to recognize the right of the partner to make a mistake. If he did it, then you need to help correct the situation, rather than throw your loved one to the mercy of fate.
Often in such a case, the spouse or husband remains alone, experiencing only condemnation. This can lead to alcohol abuse, which will cause a vicious circle of vice. Marriage is needed in order to support and love each other, to build a common life, to produce offspring.
In the event that it seems that the situation is critical and very difficult to do anything, you need to try something to change by writing a list of those things that do not suit the partner. Then it should be divided into several components, in which to identify those things in which you can yield, and those that require drastic changes.
When talking about problem topics, one should avoid reproaches, because in this case, it will seem that the spouses are not in search of solutions, but in attempts to offend or provoke negative feelings in the partner.
What happens on the evening of a divorce?
Claims against each other accumulate, and at some point, this mutual silence bothers both, and they see no other way out than to get divorced.
Spouses are thinking about how to live after a divorce, and from this fear are ready to admit all their mistakes in order to just keep the relationship. However, as a rule, this is a temporary lull, and after a while, again the spouses cease to hear each other. However, if such conflicts on the brink of divorce occur repeatedly, then sooner or later the moment comes when a divorce will still happen.
There is not enough desire of one side, it is necessary to find out what the two sides are up to. # From crisis to crisis, or how much can this be tolerated?
What if divorce is unavoidable?
The psychotherapist can help couples in the most difficult cases to correct the situation, some courses can take a long time, but if both partners are tuned, to keep the marriage, realizing the temporary difficulties and the need for changes, everything is in the hands of the spouses.
In addition to building joint relations, it is important to understand your value and significance, learn to love yourself and respect the right of another person to choose. This is what helps the therapist.
Often we make claims to other people not because we have the right to condemn and decide who is doing right and wrong, but because we can not cope with our own “I”. It is always easier to solve the problems of another person, because, it seems that their solution lies on the surface.
However, if, after all, these measures are not saved, or one of the partners does not want to keep the relationship, depression after a divorce often happens even with all the understanding of the essence of the problem. In this case, it is important to start living anew, without looking back. After a certain time passes, the partners begin to remember only good moments from the life together, while experiencing a sense of guilt.
Meanwhile, guilt is the most useless feeling that a person feels, because it constructively does not help. Any situation in life must be accepted as it is, without stigmatizing a good or bad deed. Everything that happens is a valuable experience, with which you need to draw the right conclusions and live on.
Divorce is an occasion to plan your life in a new way, to look at yourself from the other side. Is not loneliness, This is freedom, the opportunity to do something that has long been forgotten, take care of yourself.
Men and women experience depression at different times after the divorce: if women become dejected immediately after this event, then men realize the significance of the event after a while, about a year later. The woman at this time already finds a lot of advantages of freedom and is able to objectively look at marriage.
As you know, a woman tends to idealize a partner, endowing him with all sorts of positive traits that fit the image of the ideal man. Later it turns out that this man has flaws, and they do not fit into the image of the ideal man.
The most correct from the point of view of psychology is to accept it as it was formed to this age and to correlate which of the emerging shortcomings a woman can accept and which ones do not. However, many women make a different decision – to think that a man will change. However, each person is a person who has the right to his own dignity and shortcomings, and who said that someone has the right to decide what it should be.
Realizing at some point that these shortcomings are not commensurate with marriage, in the end, these repeated attempts to change a partner lead to a divorce.
How to survive a divorce is most painless
Since the first time after the divorce, usually, both partners continue to remember the old grievances and hurt the partner, which in no way contributes to peace and further life. Therefore, In order for life to improve after the divorce, it is necessary to stop all communication between the spouses among themselves. By the time of the divorce, much has been said, no reason to litter yourself with these unpleasant words.
- It is necessary to exclude objects in the house that remind of the past. It can be a repair by design, a change of residence. For the first time, you can go somewhere to rest: to the south, to a sanatorium or just to a village. Any change of scenery will do good.
- Some people think that they will start off with all serious problems and the problem will be forgotten and replaced with new impressions. However, still, it is not recommended to resort to this method. This is fraught with promiscuity in sexual relations.
- Many make the mistake of beginning to intensively wash away the bones of the former spouse and wife, proving to others how bad he is. However, repeated repetition of the same material threatens with the fact that it is postponed in the subconscious and does not allow to live quietly for years. It is necessary to understand that in the destruction of marriage there are faults of both spouses, and one should not try to prove anything to someone. Firstly, it degrades one’s own dignity, since it was precisely this partner that they themselves chose; Secondly, the details of family life do not concern anyone. To a greater extent, women rush into emotional conversations, a man after divorce often keeps everything in himself, preferring alcohol.
- As you know, changing the appearance affects the mood. Starting a new life, you need to start it with a new wardrobe and a change in appearance.
- The first time is very difficult to remain alone, but if the reason for the divorce was not a new relationship, then you need to solve the final issue with the old relationship. A new partner may feel resentment for the old, suffer, and for nothing. Distracted by a new relationship, we thereby try to make up for the lack of a man or woman in our life, without thinking that they are all different, and you can not replace a spouse (spouse) with a stranger. Relationships should be a conscious choice to let a new person into their lives. Life after a divorce from a husband for a woman is to find yourself again, prepare yourself for a new relationship.
- As you know, others can be unnecessarily curious and regardless of whether it concerns them or not, ask about undesirable details of the divorce, returning to the past. You do not need to support this desire to know everything and not to dedicate to the secrets of marriage.
- As mentioned above, many of the first time after a divorce prefer alcohol to mute mental pain. However, this is not the best way, because it pushes people to ill-considered actions, encouraging aggressiveness and debauchery. Control and discipline, as well as sober reason, are needed in this period in the first place. Alcohol has the property to increase anguish, and also affects health, so it’s better not to think about it. He will not solve the problems, but he certainly will not be able to think.
- Since marriage is a mutually beneficial living of a man and a woman, it is necessary to think with some irony that the partner also lost some of the comforts: it will help mobilize forces, because many people start to think “how badly to me, and how, it Should be good to him to her)”. Therefore, if there are any doubts as to how to survive a divorce to a woman, then she will calm herself to a greater extent from such thoughts, since emotionally, she is more dependent on the man and for her, in the first place, this is a difficult decision.
- Children suffer during this period more than adults. In the absence of attention, they tend to think that, for some reason, mom and dad will not live together anymore, because it’s his fault, the child; That he behaved badly. It is necessary to give the child double love and care, to explain that the pope will no longer live with his mother because they do not understand each other. Of course, it is difficult to explain to a small child the situation, but the child, becoming more mature, will understand more and more the essence of the problem.
Thus, this is a difficult period that can be experienced in the event that you take yourself in hand and think about how to organize your future life.
Read More: How to apologize to a girl and get love back