How to get him to get out of the couch and do something useful?
Why does not he finish all his affairs and throw them halfway?
How to help him become successful?
These questions are often heard by many relationship experts. A lot of women are interested in how they can motivate a man to perform certain actions.
Several times I heard complaints of this type: ” I’ve read all the possible articles on the Internet on this topic, but it still does not work . “
Since there really is such a problem, I decided to do a little research and came to the conclusion that almost all the material on the web is about how to motivate a man written … by women from a woman’s point of view.
I agree that many of the tips really work, but do not always focus on long-term relationships. Why? I will not go deep – but do you remember that we are “from different planets” ?
Given this aspect, as well as the relevance and frequent questions from my readers, I decided to devote time to writing a separate article on this topic.
After reading it to the end, you will learn two “terrible” truths about how to motivate men. They will forever change your attitude towards them!
Myths about how to motivate a man
To start, I’ll list a few popular statements that are unambiguously myths:
– women who had many relationships know how to motivate a man and can do it with anyone;
– sex is the best motivation for him;
– if you promise something important for him in return, you can motivate a man for almost any action;
And there are infinitely many such usefulnesses on the Internet! And now forget about it and get ready to absorb really important information about your man.
Who is he really?
To begin with, you need to take into account that the man is 100% internally motivated , because:
- The man always acts according to plan. Even if you do not agree with this plan, he still has it, so nothing can force him to abandon it: whether it’s planning to build a skyscraper or watching TV. Be sure, he has a plan even for this. How to motivate a loved one in this case? Try to inspire him, to become a muse for him.
- Motivation and inspiration work in different ways. At first glance, these are two identical concepts, but in reality they do not have much in common. Motivation can be defined as an inner motivation for action. But inspiration can be an external factor – a person, thing, goal or situation that can call on his inner motivation for action. It sounds a bit confusing, so read the previous sentence several times before we move on.
- You should take into account that the source of inspiration does not directly affect the motivation and can not ask or demand that it manifest itself. The very presence of the source (they can be you as a desirable woman, a muse, an inspirer) is enough to motivate a man.
- Motivation works when the inner state of a man, his willingness and external inspiration coincide . You probably noticed that men react differently to the same events in different periods of their lives.
Is it worth trying to hint?
Any of the men will tell you that hints for him are utterly useless efforts. Unfortunately, we are not able to recognize female tips. In our brain there are no receptors that react to them. You can not believe it, but you have to accept it. Motivate your beloved in this way is unlikely to succeed.
Be straight. We like it . In this case, we immediately receive specific requests and requirements from you. Receptors, which we perceive aboundingly 🙂
So do not take it to heart if your guy makes a puzzled face when you ask: “Do you remember what day it is?” . Even if you actively hinted to him for three months. It is better to tell him directly what you want. This will save you and your time significantly, not to mention the nerves.
Do you still want to know how to motivate a man ? Are not you tired of reading?
Men and boys
It is time to open before you the first truth about which I spoke – the entire adult male population of our planet can be divided into two types:
“Boy” – rarely is independent, requires constant care, dreams a lot. Men of this type can be motivated for any actions, but this does not mean that as a result you will get what you really wanted.
The “man” knows what he wants. Independently solves any problems. Always has a Mission – the main goal, to which he constantly moves.
Determine the type of your beloved is very easy. It is enough to understand whether he has a Mission, or whether he lives a dream that never realizes. So when you try to motivate your loved one for anything, think: with whom you want to deal – with a “man” or with a “boy” . If you are with a “man” , be prepared for the fact that you will not be able to specifically influence him, because he knows better when the time comes for what you are asking for.
For example, you asked a man for a fur coat. He already internally lined up the plan for when he can bring it to you depending on his capabilities. If you want to speed up this process, then, most likely, you will run into a protest. He had already built his plan internally! And the question: “How long can you wait?” He always has adequate arguments: because now is an unfortunate time, not those circumstances, etc. And with this it is worth to reconcile if you really want to get what you want.
If he gives in, then you are dealing with a “boy” . But do you need this? What do you want to become for him? The beloved or the mother? In this case, you do not motivate him, but educate him.
It’s time to finally find out the second for today and the most important truth of how to motivate your beloved man.
My answer will surprise you: No!
“But why not?” – you ask.
Because the ambition to achieve goals in a man can come and go. And it can not depend on you. This can only be affected by his inner focus on the desire to do something. When will this happen? – When the time comes. There are no other ways to make him move in any direction, than in which he is already moving.
Men act according to the internal plan. There are no other options. And here you can become the reason that will inspire him to carry out the plan.
The closest thing to motivation is what you can do, it’s just to be close to him, to love him , to support and not to interfere with the move at the chosen course. It will be best to encourage him to act. Much better than all your previous attempts to motivate your beloved man with the help of special techniques and secrets that filled the Internet.
And remember: you are a very important part of his Mission.
Some women often expect disappointment and the realization that they are meeting with “boys” who do not and most likely can not have ambitions and goals. While it seemed to you that you are successfully motivating a loved one for deeds, in fact he simply obeyed. Because he does not have his own Mission. If your relationship has been going on this way for a long time already, there is a great chance that you managed to raise an “henpecked” person . Alas, he is unlikely to succeed.
It is important to realize that along with it you are slowly moving along the road to nowhere. After all, you need a man with a mission. Is not it?
Well, how? Realized reading? Or are you still trying to figure out how to motivate a man ?
If you carefully absorbed all of the above, the last question should seem to you quite ridiculous. If it is, then the fulfillment of my own Mission has advanced a few steps forward. Thank you for that!
And at last I have two questions for you:
Are you ready for a relationship with a real man who has a purpose?
Are you ready to become a woman who will help him on the way to achieving this goal?
Write your thoughts and answers in the comments and do not forget to share the link to this article with your friends.