How often do you enviously look at other happier women and try to answer the question, why in life everything is so uneven, illogical, inexplicable.
Why is one EVERYTHING, and you are only miserable crumbs? At the same time, that other person is far from the most beautiful and worthy moments.
At first glance, it seems normal, but she LOVED, appreciated, WANTED. And your life, in spite of hard work and diligence, will not it all start to shine with happy colors?
If a woman feels guilty, dissatisfied with herself, burdened by work, annoying relatives, relations with men are not working, in a word – something in life does not suit you very much, it’s time to start loving yourself.
It would seem, and here one to the other? What kind of love can we talk about when the problem is at outside?
A man lying in front of the TV or his absence, a job that does not bring pleasure, a feeling that life is passing by. For the most part, this is what happens! It’s easier for us to find an external enemy than to look for problems inside.
How do women reason? It is necessary to change work, a man, an environment. Many change. And what in the end?
For a while you will seem that life is getting better, but very soon the problems will return. The new boss will begin to carp, the new elect will relax, new friends will not be better than the old ones.
Why is this happening? Because changing the picture from the outside, we subconsciously act on the old scenario, treat the symptoms, and not the cause of the disease, so inevitably we attack the old rake.
We are afraid to admit that the matter is in ourselves, because with this knowledge we will have to live on. But how? Here, then comes to the aid of a magic pill – LOVE TO YOURSELF.
There is another extreme: a woman realizes that the problem is in her. It seems that he tries to become better, develops, in his relations with a man makes efforts to make everything harmonious , but “for some reason” he does not appreciate it. Do you know why? The woman in these endeavors, again, forgot about her.
What is love for yourself?
Self-love is not self-admiration, not too high self-esteem, not egoism.
Self-love is positive SELF-ASSIGNMENT.
I’ll explain simply. Self-acceptance is a state where a person accepts himself as he is, with all the virtues and, most importantly, his shortcomings, without condemning, without feeling remorse and guilt.
We are in contact with the world through the prism of our own “I”. Agree, if you allow yourself to tell untruth, for you the lies of another person will not become a mortal sin. You can accept this fact, because you yourself sometimes sin like that. Accepting your own shortcomings, you tolerate the shortcomings of others more tolerant.
It turns out that the BETTER people treat themselves, the better it relates to others.
If everything is so simple, you ask, why does not everyone manage to love themselves?
The answer, as much in this life, goes back to childhood. The trouble is that the reverse side of the medal – NON-LOVE TO YOURSELF – originates in infancy in addition to our will and continues to live until we ourselves are aware of the problem and do not start small steps to meet ourselves halfway.
Why do not women love themselves?
Reason number 1 – parents
The seeds of dislike for themselves are laid by parents. All mentally normal moms and dads love their children. From the best motives, wishing to raise their offspring worthy members of society, they abuse, punish, prohibit.
At these moments, their love is securely hidden deep inside, at the exit the child sees only dislike. Remember how you were called in childhood:
- The Lazy bird
- The hands are not from that place grow
It’s no secret that every person hears what he wants to hear. The psychic instinctively sets up filters. A child from a variety of information begins, like a sponge, to absorb facts that confirm unflattering reviews about him. As a result, he is convinced that he is not just NOT loved. He does not like DESERVED.
The black business is done. Without knowing the parents, we lay the COMPLEXES that haunt us all my life, in many ways determining its course.
Reason number 2 – I (me) = society
The second source of dislike for yourself is added to adolescence. The teenage girl begins to delineate the concepts of “I” and “They” and evaluate them, as well as themselves. The logic of estimation is simple. As in the cartoon – who will praise us best of all, We’ll give him a big sweet candy. If the surrounding people are friendly, tolerant, sympathetic, attentive to it – they are perceived with a plus sign. If aggressive, instructive, critical – with a minus sign.
The bottom line is that the person evaluates himself according to the same criteria by which he values others. By acting badly with others, one’s own psyche evaluates itself negatively and rejects it. A person who acts in a negative way from the point of view of generally accepted norms does not love himself.
How can a woman learn to love herself?
Loving yourself is difficult. Self-acceptance is not self-admiration, not automatic repetition “I am the most charming and attractive”. It is a constant conscious activity over your thoughts, judgments, actions. But … Water grinds the stone.
1. Try to understand the cause of the parent negative , from which you suffered in childhood and continue to experience now. He has nothing to do with your personal qualities.
Parents were afraid for you and your life, ineptly coping with their own feelings. They were ill. They need to be understood, forgiven and further treated as you would treat a person whose poor state of health, emotional turmoil, problems for you are obvious. Treat with sympathy, understanding, care. After a while your acceptance of yourself is guaranteed to increase.
2. Make room for good
Write letters to the past. Parents, if there is a grudge against them. A former man who probably caused a lot of pain.
In the first letter you pour out all the negative, resentment, pain, anger, pretensions, criticism. Unload everything from inside to paper. Then this letter is crumpled and burned.
The second letter is written with gratitude for all the good that this person has given you. For experience, for growth. It will not be superfluous to apologize for its non-ideality. This letter can be photographed and sent to a person so that he can read.
Often thanks to such letters it is possible to return the man who has left.
3. Take care of yourself!
I’m not tired of repeating this phrase. A man does not appreciate a woman, a man “wipes her feet on her,” a man does not see the efforts of a woman, niggles, irritated? Take care of yourself, your body, appearance, your enjoyment of this life.
But not to take revenge on a man or to teach a lesson. And for yourself. After all, we really do not need anyone until we need ourselves, first of all.
4. Do good deeds for nothing
Make people compliments, find good in them, emphasize it. Help those people who are unable in this life (already or for now) to help themselves (orphans, invalids, the elderly). What for?
To realize your own worth. What you are like now is useful to this world. And in general, the meaning of life is to make it better. Starting with whom? That’s right, with yourself.
5. Get rid of the environment of people who are pulling you down
We are the arithmetic mean of our environment. “Tell us who your friends are, and we’ll tell you who you are.”
I remember myself when I came to Jeorge from the provinces. Being an insecure guy, I was striving for the best, for development. Also there were friends, after dialogue with which it became bad on a shower near which it felt unfortunate. Limit communication with such.
Surround yourself with more fortunate people than you, or the same ones who strive for the best, like you.
6. Change your lifestyle
Perhaps the most important recommendation. You can not love yourself by spending 40+ hours a week on unloved work. And when you try to direct your activities into the channel that you like , then you can not fail to get success in this.
Hence, self-esteem, self-love will increase. Do not notice how one day, forget that once did not like themselves (as it was in my life).
Love for yourself is something without which all the female efforts in the sphere of relations with men come to naught.
Some women continue to blame men for ingratitude and their imperfection, and some women have the courage to suspect that there may be a reason in themselves.
Become the path of love for yourself. Instructions we have given above. Through all this we went personally. If we could, then you also can.
Thanks and see you in the next articles.
Write your views in the comments for the first three steps that you will take to improve your self-esteem.