“Wherever there are two people with different needs and expectations, and wherever there are two, there is always the possibility of conflict,” according to a psychologist, a conflict counselor and an instructor who provides couples the opportunity to be alone, helping partners better understand your self.
She believes that in our culture conflicts are unfair. Although in general conflicts cause inconvenience, they are completely normal. Of course, it can be more difficult to resolve conflicts. This is especially difficult when one person, or both, is convinced that they are right.
“It is also difficult to resolve a conflict when one person avoids this. People who are afraid of conflict, suppress their own desires and needs so that they do not interfere with others, “she says. “It’s not easy to live like this.”
This is also difficult for others. “It may be that there will be no way to resolve the conflict directly with this person.” And yet their anger is manifested in a different way, which affects the relationship.
The conflict can not be easy, but there are strategies that can simplify and improve the process. For example, a simple but important advice – choose a time to talk, and this method is good for everyone, – said by some psychologists. Here are seven other strategies that she offers to help:
Make a plan
When you have a difficult conversation with someone, brainstorming is the best way in which you can conduct this discussion. For example, she suggests asking yourself such questions:
- What is the best day or time of day for a conversation?
- Is there anyone else whose presence would be desirable (or vice versa)?
- What can I do to make a person hear and understand me?
- Do I need to prepare for the conversation?
- Do I first need to briefly talk with the person with whom I am in conflict, and then later calmly discuss everything?
- If I know that I’m going to say, in what ways can I meet the needs of the interlocutor during our personal meeting?
“Another way is to divert attention from the desire to win and make an effort to be open to find a solution that is acceptable to all participants,” Some expert says. “This includes a deeper understanding of the problems of another person, for this, you need to ask a lot of questions and find out as many details as possible.”
“First, admit that in most cases a person does not behave intentionally to irritate you. For the most part, people want to like others, “said by a psychologist. “Also, put yourself in their place.” For example, sit or wait where your husband was during a fight last night. Ask yourself how he felt then. ”
Psychologists also offer’s to learn about people in general. “There are countless articles, books, and seminars on the relationship between people. The more you learn about others, the better you will understand them. ”
Point to a possible change in perspective
This is especially difficult – to resolve the conflict with a person who should always be right, because he may be threatened by your attempts to reconcile.
Another great psychologist quotes this as an effective approach: “A person’s confidence that he is sincere is not as dangerous as his belief that he is right. We all feel that we are right, But we experienced the same feeling twenty years ago, and today we know that this has not always been so. ”
Talk to them about how their view of what’s right has changed over time. It can “open the door for them if they understand that there can not be room for more than one point of view or the view that none of us is perfect, that we all make mistakes, hold different beliefs, etc., and It does not make one person bad, and the other good, this is life. ”
Find out the crux of the problem
“Sometimes people are not really struggling,” Some says. – And you can not solve it if you do not know about the real problem. After you learn what it is, you can talk about how best to fill this unsatisfied need for another person. ”
Some experts give’s an example: one evening, Luna leaves and returns home later than expected. Her partner, John, expresses anger that Sophia came so late.
Nevertheless, John can really be upset because he is lonely, feels neglected, jealous or worried about Sophia.
If he feels neglected, the couple can explore whether they spend enough time together or whether they need to spend more evenings with friends. But if John is jealous because he does not like the person with whom Luna was, talking and resolving the conflict will be completely different.
Stay calm or take a break
It is also important not to “get into a fight, run away or respond coldly” or take a break if you are angry, “advises some relationship experts.
Often we perceive conflict as a threat. That’s when our brain takes over and we fight, freeze or run. This prevents us from being able to solve problems rationally and logically and to look at the situation from the point of view of another person.
However, “if you completely calm down, you can use your best and most effective self-management tool – the human brain. Once you do this, your opportunities will become limitless. ”
Avoid those who offend you
People who insult you, as a rule, feel that their actions are justified and rarely believe that they are guilty of anything. So if you’re dealing with such a person, it’s best to stay away from it.
Understand that it is not in your power to correct a person. He must do his own work, “explained by a psychologist.
We wish you patience in dealing with others.
Let the construction of relations be a joy, not a burden.
Remember that any changes in you are first and foremost a benefit for yourself! You develop and become better with every situation that you overcome with dignity!
If you find it difficult to manage yourself, ask questions and together we will try to find answers.