Desperate desire to do everything perfectly: to look, work, support life and raise children can play a cruel joke with you.
The constant need to achieve goals and correspond to self-proclaimed ideals is able to drive into a trap called “I do not reach the goal.”
And for a perfectionist to not reach the goal is the same as for an inveterate smoker at one point to abandon the addiction – it is very painful and extremely unfavorable for the nervous system.
Of course, perfectionists, rising to defend their aspirations, explain that only in this way it is possible to achieve something worthwhile: by agreeing to the “middle”, you will remain forever in the middle.
In this belief there is some truth.
Exactly as in the fact that self-flagellation for mistakes made did not make anyone happy.
Psychologists are seriously concerned that the meaning of life of an increasing number of people is a fanatical pursuit of perfection.
They call this something unhealthy and advise to reconsider their views on life.
What is dangerous “syndrome perfectionist”?
Ignoring the process
Perfectionists sometimes do not notice how life passes by. Being result-oriented, they completely overlook the process.
Do not enjoy the solution of current problems, do not see the joys in the usual things.
They always think that real happiness is there – in the future, where they are ideal, and what is now – only scenery, imperfect and not worthy of attention.
As a result, when the result is achieved, the perfectionist still finds in him a lot of flaws and can not recall anything good that accompanied him on the passed way.
Life in stress
You can not easily treat the task if you want it to be performed exclusively on “5+”. Trying to grasp the immensity, perfectionists make attempts to keep track of all the little things, to have time to do everything, to control themselves and others. So there are constant stresses and failures.
You can not be at the same time at work, with family, with friends, with children. In achieving goals, there is always something little to sacrifice.
In 24 hours, perfectionists, with their desire to be perfect in everything, need at least 48. Realizing that life’s realities do not coincide with overstated requirements, such people often fall into a depressed state.
Black and white
For perfectionists there are only these colors. Without gray, without halftones. Either bad or good. Either “for” or “against”.
In life, everything is much more difficult – sometimes, in order to get what you want later, you have to concede something to others, agree to “half the success”, be content with what is. Perfectionists do not accept reality with its half measures, hence the disappointment in people and in themselves, often from scratch.
Excessive demands on others
But not only perfectionists expect perfection in everything from themselves.
For their relatives and colleagues, they also set the rules. Children, relatives and friends – all surrounded by a “perfect person” should also be on the level.
Such an attitude is fraught with misunderstanding on the part of close people and, as a result, by conflicts, hostile to the mood, lack of trust. Not all errors are something terrible and unacceptable, some admit them with an enviable regularity and at the same time remain happy.
Not all errors are something terrible and unacceptable, some admit them with an enviable regularity and at the same time remain happy.
As we have already said, there are no halftones for perfectionists.
Therefore, many of them are guided by the principle: “If I know that I can not manage, I will not undertake at all.” Someone will not even try, say, to get a dream job, unless he is sure of success.
And this entails a serious problem: perfectionists are missing dozens, hundreds of beneficial opportunities.
The fear of taking risks and not getting what they want is extremely strong. They can not afford to “lose”, it is better not even to start the game.
Paradoxically, people who always strive for an ideal never consider themselves to be so. They will always find in themselves a lot of flaws, just ask!
- Especially it concerns women.
And the “fifth point” is big, and the stomach bulges, and the hair is terrible, and the skin is imperfect.
And this despite the fact that a woman can not get out of the fitness clubs and spa centers for days, but she will still seem to her to be a plain woman, and, consequently, to broadcast this self-perception outward, forcing the same way to think of others.
In order not to become a hostage of perfectionism (or to get out of this trap), it is necessary to understand the rule – the light did not come together with a wedge at your work, appearance or order in the apartment.
Try to lower the bar of goals of the demands placed on yourself and let the events go their way.
Of course, you should not give up completely, but a sensible approach to solving the tasks (without fanaticism) will allow you to treat life and possible difficulties more easily.