Your mother-in-law, to put it mildly, is not ideal? Well, a common problem.
Many wives have to choose a strategy of behavior: agree in everything, swallowing grievances, or constantly fight.
And the most effective method of solving the problem, as always, is women’s wisdom.
We offer several instructions for survival with the mother-in-law.
1. If the mother-in-law teaches to bring up children
If the mother-in-law decides to show herself as an expert in upbringing with the appearance of her grandson (she raised two herself!), Prepare for endless advice.
Luna, mother of Sophia (9 months) and Lena (5 years):
– My mother-in-law constantly finds fault with me: she did not put on her cap (and this is during summer heat), then diapers can not be used so often. And when Sophia fell ill, she gave instructions from the series “spread garlic all over the room” and brought some infusions, cooked according to recipes from television shows. I try to be a strict mother, and my mother-in-law spoils Sergei, brings sweets – it turns out that my mother is bad, and my grandmother is good.
- Comments on family psychologist Naila:
– In many cases, instead of grandmother’s functions, mother-in-law takes upon herself the parental mission. Often this is due to the fact that she just wants to feel needed. In this case, it is important to let the mother-in-law understand that only the child’s parents can decide what they need and how to properly educate them.
It is not necessary to ignore the problem, as well as climb on the trouble, says the psychologist. It is better to use the female trick:
- Let the mother-in-law express her opinion (in some cases it is useful), but you listen and do in your own way;
- Try to be less likely to deal with the issues of raising a child in front of her grandmother – so she will have fewer reasons to quarrel;
- More often call your mother-in-law, if necessary, ask her advice: how would she act in this or that situation – so grandmother will feel useful;
- Limit the time of stay of the mother-in-law with the grandson under “practical” pretexts: for example, the child needs to develop speech and communicate more often with peers.
What kind of daughter-in-law will not love his mother-in-law: No matter how far you live from your mother-in-law, rare meetings can not be avoided, and how much they depend on is much more than you can imagine. And what can we say about those families where the mother of the spouse is a frequent visitor or a full-fledged resident?
In this case, the daughter-in-law should be especially careful not to make typical mistakes, because of which fragile family happiness can collapse overnight.
2. If your mother-in-law teaches you how to run an economy
If your mother-in-law is convinced that her borscht is the most delicious, and you can only be entrusted with cooking eggs, then the presents for your beloved son can grow into a constant ration.
It will be psychologically true not to stand in a pose, but to look at the situation from three points of view: one’s own, mother-in-law and the neutral side. This will make it possible to understand whether your opinion is unbiased (the same advice is usually taken by a woman, for example, from the mother), and will help change attitudes towards the problem.
- Periodically consult your mother-in-law about farming: it will raise the authority of your mother-in-law and let her know that you do not have the desire to fight her.
- Ask your mother-in-law what dishes her son likes and does not like, ask him to give a prescription.
- When you are visiting your mother-in-law, try to offer her help with housework: somewhere you can cheat and say that something is wrong with you – let her show how to do “right”.
– I was annoyed that my mother-in-law tells me how to cook, but the psychologist offered me to look at it differently – she considers her experience useful. Then I decided to use her zeal for good: I do not like to roll up cucumbers and tomatoes, and she just loves – I directed her efforts into this channel, where she can show skill.
3. If the mother-in-law “presses” on her son
Even a strong man can melt, if his mother asks about something, and if she let go of the tears, write is gone. The extreme case occurs when the mother-in-law sets up the son against the wife: “Since you married, I’m all on the nerves, I’m always sick”, etc. It is important not to oppose himself to his mother by making statements: “Either I, or she!” – there should not be such a choice.
Often a mother can not tear herself away from her son, because when he leaves the house, she has nothing to fill her life with. In this situation, much depends on the man himself: he must make it clear to the mother that he has his own family.
- Try to understand that so attracts a husband to his mother: maybe he lacks the usual care or a delicious dinner, so he likes to visit his parents.
- Never complain to your husband about his mother. Try to think together how you can make your grandmother’s life more interesting: for example, give her a tablet – let her discuss her favorite greenhouses with other grandmothers at the horticultural forum.
- Ask her mother-in-law about the traditions of her husband’s family and try to introduce at least some of them.
- Do not indulge your husband’s desire to spend all the holidays with his mother.
4. If your mother-in-law is too often at your place
It is hardest for those who live with their mother-in-law in the same house, although some grandmothers regularly perform a feat of crossing the city’s space, just to feed the grandchildren with pies. And if it starts: “I’m alone, maybe I should move to you?”, Then it’s worth to sound the alarm.
Psychologists in their opinion are one: a young family should live separately. It is necessary to carefully delineate borders without resorting to aggression and accusations. It is easier to prevent the mother-in-the-mother’s settling into your nest, than to evict her then, therefore:
- Avoid frequent gatherings in your apartment, otherwise your mother-in-law will visit you more often; When you are visiting my mother-in-law, compliment her at home;
- More often call your grandmother on the phone – just talk, consult: courtesy is easier to keep at a distance;
- Give your mother-in-law a season ticket to the theater, so that she has something to do in the evenings and weekends;
- If there is a threat of moving mother-in-law, it is possible to start repairs and prepare combat decorations in case of her arrival: arrange buckets, put out brushes.
5. What can and can not say to the mother-in-law
- Phrases from the series “Do you know what your son did?” Sound like a reproach in the incorrect education of his son.
- If your mother-in-law wants to do something that does not suit you, use expressions that indicate your feelings toward the situation: “It will be difficult for me to go there, because it’s harmful for my health to be constantly in the sun …”
- It is not necessary to use phrases in which there is a prejudice against the mother-in-law: “My mother told me that it will be so!”, “All of them, Memona’s sons are like that!”
The ideal girl from the point of view of his mother: The mother-in-law is an eternal and painful topic.
Freshly married friends share revelations in the spirit of “I expected that my mother-in-law will not be sugar, but not to the same degree!” We all know what an ideal mother-in-law should be – smart, kind and living on another continent.
But what do they expect from us?
What kind of ideal daughter-in-law do our future and real mother-in-law dream about?
We found out from the ladies themselves and asked to comment on down.