I’m sure you know for sure that marriage is the most responsible step in the life of any girl.
By the way, for men this step is no less responsible.
I think you will agree that he should not be done rashly.
Before you get married , you need to make sure that you are doing the right thing and you are really ready for it. Why am I talking about this.
Every day I get questions from women who have already been burned in relationships with men and no longer trust them.
But at the same time they still want to be happy in marriage.
And I understand them. They just want a natural female happiness.
It is important to learn to analyze the reasons why you are going to get married.
It must be remembered that your main goal should be to create a lasting and strong relationship.
Also be prepared for the multitude of questions that so often interfere with the happiness of married couples, and make every effort to resolve them.
What do you think is enough to decide to marry ?
What are the reasons enough for a man to invite you to be his wife?
A good question, but this is a topic for a separate material.
I will say one thing that a man will never make such an offer unless he is sure of his choice.
I have prepared for you a list of 5 questions that you must ask yourself and honestly answer them before you marry.
These questions will be important both for you and for the man you chose.
1. Do I understand what he will expect from me?
Every girl has her own expectations from a future marriage. And in most cases they do not coincide with the way the young man chosen for the role of husband sees the joint future.
One of the biggest mistakes that girls make when they decide to marry – they forget to discuss with their future husband mutual demands to each other.
Many start talking about this after the wedding and are surprised or even disappointed with unexpectedly emerging problems.
Let’s consider an example.
Happy Lena, after returning from the wedding trip, begins to notice changes in the behavior of his chosen (Sophie). He goes around the house wearing shorts, prefers to stay at home at home, hugging his wife and watching TV. He no longer so often proposes to go out to dinner somewhere in a pleasant place. But before the wedding, he wore it in his arms, he drove to restaurants and gave flowers almost every day.
What happened to him?
It turns out that everything is fine with him. Just so it is the everyday life of a happy married couple. Simply, Lena forgot beforehand, before marrying Sophie, to take an interest in his vision of their future future. He, by the way, too)
Do not assume that it will be “so and so” .
Talk about it with your man in advance. Before you marry him, to avoid unpleasant misunderstandings and become truly happy with him . Listen carefully to him, and be honest with him. Both of you must understand what is expected of each of you.
2. Do I want to give him everything he wants?
A lot of people get married, focusing on what they can get as a result. Yes, it smells of selfishness, but it is with this view that one has to meet very often.
It’s only in an ideal marriage should be associated with the concept of “giving to another,” instead of “taking yourself . ” In fact, in many families everything is quite the opposite. A woman begins to demand more than her man can give at this moment. Or a man behaves with his wife as if with his mother.
Yes, there are those who are sure – the wife should give me this and that. Behave like “boys” who are used to getting care from their mother and are not ready to give it up.
And here you need to understand what you want in a relationship, what your chosen one wants and can you provide it from the female side.
In the meantime, you must be prepared for the fact that sometimes you will have to give more than receive in return.
3. Do our desires and values coincide?
Sometimes opposites attract. If a guy and a girl can accept differences in each other, then most likely they will be able to find the right balance in the relationship.
No, I’m not talking about such differences as hobbies, favorite food and character traits. You can get used to all this. Here we are talking about more important – about the basic values of life.
Sophie does not like the green color of the walls in the house, and Lena always dreamed that the home comfort was filled with this shade.
He does not like to receive crowds of guests on weekends, and Lena simply adores when the house is noisy, because it fills his life!
And Sophie still does not want children, but Lena already wants …
You can accept the principle of dedication and willingness to give what you want, while the future husband considers all this to be stupidity. And as a result, after you marry him, you will have to put up with constant conflicts on the basis of the mismatch of your interests and desires.
Before you get married, make sure that you equally appreciate the importance of at least the most basic things for a happy marriage of things (children, home, plans for the future).
4. Are there any outstanding issues and misunderstandings between us?
One of the biggest mistakes you can make is nothing else than marrying a man with whom you have unresolved problems and understatements.
Relationships do not contribute to the disappearance of problems.
From the experience of the coach I will say that in most cases marriages are destroyed because of the same disagreements that happened before him.
Have not you forgotten Sophie and Lena.
Sohpie even during the “candy-bouquet” period often showed his character and tried to make decisions for himself and for Lena. And she, in turn, was at his mercy. Although it was not very pleased with it. Simply, she was afraid to “frighten off” an enviable boyfriend.
And now, when they are married, he still continues to put his opinion above her. He decides where they’ll go in the evening (and that’s fine!) But when Sophie starts to indicate which dress she should wear. And yet she should never buy anything more expensive than a washing powder, without consulting him.
And Lena can not stand this anymore. And scandals begin on this matter. But she herself is to blame. After all, long before she married Sophie, she knew that she did not like the model of his behavior, and did not even try to talk to him about it.
Therefore, no matter how difficult it seems, it is in your best interests to clear up all the understatements and not let them stretch out in time .
Do not just pretend that everything is in order and there are no problems. It is necessary to solve them! Otherwise they will not go anywhere. How? Honest and sincere tell your man that you feel not very comfortable in this situation.
Believe me, in 90% of cases, he will be grateful to you for this and is surprised why you have so far remained silent. After all, he may not suspect that this is not comfortable for you. Understand that men are not psychics and can not read your thoughts, especially if they are 40 hours a week busy with work, projects, goals.
No pair can claim the title of “perfect” . Interpersonal problems are for everyone.
But do not hide behind this imperfection to ignore the problems that existed long before he proposed to marry .
5. Do I really love this man?
Today, too many girls decide to marry, not being truly in love with their chosen one.
Some do this to give birth to a baby. Others, because “time goes by, I’m not young, and this is the most suitable option for me today . ” And still others because “he’s just so good” .
This list can last indefinitely. As a result – the absence of real mutual feelings. Some believe that love is not a prerequisite to get married .
But from a male perspective, I believe that a relationship without love, which is a manifestation of respect, trust, support, admiration, care, the ability to be grateful and rejoice by a woman and the desire to please, love, surround with care and protection from a man is the biggest mistake , Which can be done .
Let’s continue to consider the situation that has developed in Lena and Sophie.
After all the problems that have fallen on her, insight comes to her: he needs it only for cooking, cleaning the house and meeting other needs. She terribly does not like the fact that he constantly commands. And he does not want children.
And she decides to file for divorce.
The reasons listed are quite sufficient for this.
So why did they even turn up together? What kind of relationship did they originally want to build?
In fact, no differences in the characters, not money and not even deception are the main causes of divorce.
The real reason is the absence of the very “spark” that skips between really in love people. Which allows a man to be a man in a relationship, and a woman to show her femininity.
When there is no love and desire to understand, to know another person, to give up the relationship – it’s easy.
But if it is, you will work on yourself. You will try to solve the arising problems. You will make all your efforts, just not to lose the person with whom you want to be close. Are you ready for this?
And at last I’ll say:
I’m sure that now you understand from what side you need to evaluate your willingness to marry. Perhaps you will have many more questions in your head that you ask yourself before you marry .
But these five are fundamental at this stage.
So be honest with yourself and with your chosen one.
Try before you get married, make sure that you make your choice based on the right decision as a loving woman, and the man chosen for this purpose really suits you.