The inner voice of a person is the extension of one’s rights and opportunities to challenge his inner criticism. Just like “You’re confused again! and You should have known this better!”.
It sounds familiar, does not it?
Of course, this happens to everyone!
This is something that is familiar to many persons.
The critical voices in your head to reach your brain and heart many times in a day.
Do not you want them to just be silent already?
We know what to do and here we are going to talk about the inner voice of humans.
We all have voices in our heads that from time to time comment on our actions, our experience, the quality of our past decisions, mistakes that we could avoid, and what we had to do differently.
For some people, this inner voice of a person can actually make a bad situation even worse.
Instead of sympathizing with our suffering, he criticizes, belittles, suppresses our self-esteem at every opportunity!
The inner voice of a person is often very noticeable.
These voices often act automatically, contributing to our “sticking” in the old models of relationships and impeding our ability to live and love freely.
Where did the inner voices come from?
Psychologists believe that the inner voice of a person is the Remnants of a child’s experience, the automatic models of neural connections that are stored in our brains and in isolation from the memory of the events associated with, try to protect us.
Probably, these models made sense and helped us survive when we were helpless children – But they can no longer match our adult life.
As adults, we have more opportunities to avoid harmful situations, as well as more opportunities to make an informed choice of our lives and relationships based on our own feelings, needs and interests.
Nevertheless, in many cases, we are so accustomed to living within these unwritten rules of a person’s inner voice that we do not even notice them or question them. And we unconsciously distort our ideas about things, so that they confirm these rules.
What happens when the inner voices control our life?
If they are not stopped, voices in our heads will take responsibility for our lives, and keep us within the framework of mental and behavioral patterns of our guilt.
By following these rules, we do not allow ourselves to adapt our reactions to the experience that we are experiencing now.
Our behavior and emotional reactions become more a reflection of yesterday’s reality than of what is happening today.
Approach therapy “scheme”
Psychologists and some experts call these rigid rules of life and views of the world “Schemes.”
Based on our first experiences with educators, the schemes expressed in the person’s inner voice contain information about our own abilities that are necessary to survive on our own, information about how others will treat us, what results in we deserve in life, and how much this world is safe or dangerous.
They can also contain ideas about the behaviors that are necessary so that we have healthy relationships in life, work and love.
How Negative Schemes Affect Our Life and Relationships
Negative schemes affect our lives and relationships in several ways:
- We behave in such a way as to preserve them.
- We interpret our experience in such a way that they look correct, even if they really are not.
- As part of efforts to avoid pain, we limit our lives to never experience pain.
- We sometimes compensate for this and act in such harsh, oppositional ways that interfere with our relations.
Rejection of the scheme
The woman that we will call Lena has a scheme of “abandonment.” When she was five years old, her father abandoned her mother and disappeared from their life.
The pain of abandonment was so devastating to the little Lena that some part of her brain had established that she would never again allow herself to experience this pain.
In addition, like many children, she felt deep down that she was to blame for this: she was not attractive enough that her father did not leave the family.
After Lena developed this scheme, she became very sensitive to failure, watching the normal ups and downs of children’s friendship and teenage acquaintances, for her this was yet another proof that she is unattractive and destined to be abandoned.
She also desperately tried to hide her alleged shortcomings by focusing on pleasing a romantic partner and making so much so that he could never leave her. She felt a certain “chemistry” in dealing with unessential and unreliable men.
When she attracted a partner who was open and faithful, she was so in control of the relationship that he was tired of constant distrust and, in the end, gave up relations.
Lena’s secret rule is that it is not safe to trust people, and if she weakens her vigilance even for a moment, another person can leave. And her inner voice constantly assures her of this.
What can we do to this?
Psychotherapy can help Lena and other people understand how their schemes form ways of dealing with themselves and others, as they repeat, automatically act as they function.
New theories and treatments can help heal individual problems, such as anxiety, depression, personality disorders, childhood trauma.
The concept of the scheme helps us understand how the events of Early childhood continue to affect adult relationships and behaviors.
We must recognize their influence, pay attention to the fact that our automatic internal voices speak, and (with professional help, if necessary), begin to be released from their influence.
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