Are there ideal relationships? Such, in which there is no room for strife, but there is only boundless love and happiness. I am sure, almost all women dream about this.
Unfortunately, this happens only in fairy tales. In real life, the psychology of relations between the sexes is always filled with various troubles and emotional experiences.
Some need it just like air. But to most couples, all this brings only unnecessary suffering.
Why is this happening? How to stop making mistakes in relationships with men ?
With some effort, you can learn to avoid most situations, because of which you, most likely, have repeatedly had to suffer.
If this problem is urgent for you, read on. I’ll tell you about the main mistakes that can eventually lead to a wall of misunderstanding between close people.
For this I will use real life examples told by our readers.
Imagine the situation: a young woman gave birth to a child and is completely occupied with her new role as mother. She learns to give herself to this tiny miracle, giving him all the time and attention. And she begins to get annoyed when her husband helps not so actively in home affairs, as she would like.After all, it’s hard for her. Yes, he has work, tasks, goals. But she and the baby, in her opinion, should now become the center of the universe for a man. And a woman is offended that he can not be so involved in domestic chores and household chores. She has the right to do so.
And soon the woman begins to express a man’s claim. But if he is tired of eating the same soups and borsch, he must understand that she, as a newly-made mother, does not have enough time to prepare a variety of dishes.
It turns out that she has reasons. And my husband – so, only excuses.
And this is just one example of a whole series of similar mistakes of women in relationships with men.
After all, it’s true that in your heart of hearts you want to be loved forever, no matter what?
For some reason it is assumed that if your partner really understands you, then he will forgive all your imperfections and should focus only on the merits.
Nevertheless, not all the representatives of the fair sex themselves are ready to love their men on the same conditions.
Most Common Mistakes in Relationships
It is rather difficult to be objective in relation to yourself. It is for this reason that women most often make mistakes in their relationships with men.
When your partner does something that you do not like, you blame his bad character for it, instead of trying to understand the causes of the perfect.
You know that you always act only with good intentions, but for some reason you can not be sure that your man does the same.
In other words, if you could not do something or did it wrong, you forgive yourself for this, but if it’s a partner, he probably does not like you more if it does.
Do you recognize this point of view? Have you never had such thoughts about your lover?
To eliminate some of the mistakes in relations with men , one can not fall into the psychological trap “I’m all so wonderful, but he does not appreciate me.”
The correct psychology of relations is based on the education of the ability in any situation to assume the benevolence of its partner.
Take Sophie, for example, and her husband, Ivan: lately he has been delayed for a long time at work, and when he returns, apologizes for this and begins to tell how he regrets having to miss a family dinner for the second time.
And Sophie makes an unforgivable mistake in dealing with a man who tries to feed his family, and makes the assumption that he loves his work more than hers and children.
It would be much better for her to look at this situation from a slightly different angle: Ivan is torn between the stressful working conditions he has to walk to provide his family with decent living conditions and the desire to spend more time with his wife and children.
If she stopped blaming him, she would be able to look at this situation with his eyes and understand him. And then they would have the opportunity to discuss the problem together and try to find ways to solve it in order to establish relations .
It is on such an approach that the psychology of relations in a couple that should live a long and happy life together should be based .
Anger as another mistake of women in relationships with men
Suppose your boyfriend has committed an unforgivable act – forgot to wake you up in time, remind you of your friend’s birthday, spent the last money from a common stash or something even more “serious”. Anger can be quite a natural reaction to this.
But how will you proceed after you tell him everything you think about him? Will you walk and pout for it all day? If this is your standard behavior model, you can add one more item to your list of ” Mistakes in relationships with men .”
A more prudent option would be after you get cold a bit, go back to the issue, talk heart to heart, and maybe even ask for forgiveness for your too violent reaction. And you will be very surprised at how much this misunderstanding will bring you together in the end.
Once you stop playing the part of angered and angry, your feelings will be filled with warmth, mutual understanding and support.
Your lover will be truly grateful for your efforts and will continue to think twice before repeating the mistake. And you, in turn, the next time you do not even want to get angry in such a situation.
Let’s consider some more examples.
Let’s say one evening your partner comes home very late and forgets to take out the garbage, which in the early morning will have to pick up the garbage truck.
When the noise of the approaching truck wakes you up and he says: “I think I forgot to take out the garbage yesterday,” what thought first arises in your head?
Of course, I’d like to assume that he was too lazy to do it. But it is much wiser to understand and accept that he is also a living person and can simply forget about such things.
And now the situation from real life: Lena calls Sophie and asks to buy tea at the store while he is at the checkout with a full cart of products. Despite some difficulties, he still finds a way to carry out her assignment.
When he comes home and it turns out that “wrong tea”, she is tempted to say: “Do not you know that I never buy this variety? Do not you even pay attention to what I’m doing? ” And this will be another mistake in the relationship with a man who was going home with the certainty that he had fulfilled all the wishes of his beloved wife.
Instead of that negative reaction, it would be better for her to think about how he, with a whole mountain of purchases, returned to the tea department and chose the best and most expensive tea for her. The correct option would be to thank him for this, even if he chose not at all what she wanted.
And still the wives sometimes complain that their husbands are unable to prepare surprises in the form of unexpected trips to nature or buying tickets to the theater for her favorite performance. And at the same time, they rarely do anything like that. This kind of psychology of relationships is very common.
But if you expect from a partner that he himself will guess about your desires, you can wait a very long time and as a result, stay with nothing.
4 ways to eliminate mistakes in a relationship with a man
- Recognize that if you do not know what your partner was thinking about at the time of the “same deed”, you have no right to judge him. Accustom yourself to evaluate all the controversial situations with his eyes. Do not always try to convince him that your point of view is the only correct one in the current situation, because your goal is to achieve understanding.
- When you’re upset about anything your man did, ask yourself, did he really do it to hurt you? Or maybe it was an accident?
- Try to replay the conflict that has arisen. Invite your man to switch roles. Try to take his side and invite him to stay in “your skin”. Such experiments can lead to very unexpected results in the form of insight and understanding of their wrongness.
- Write down everything that drives you crazy in your man. And then make a list of your annoying habits, presenting yourself in its place. Both lists are quite impressive. Is not it? So, you’re not so perfect in comparison with him?
And at last I’ll say:
That by learning to be benevolent and putting yourself in the place of your partner, you can eliminate 95% of all conflicts that arise. When you realize that the one who loves you, does all the actions solely guided by good intentions, the number of misunderstandings drastically decreases.
Remember: your man, who has promised to always love you, has bad days. As well as you.
And the fact that in all of the above emphasis was placed on women does not mean that such mistakes in relationships can not be made by a man. Of course it can.
But the psychology of relations is arranged in such a way that a woman is usually the first to set an example. And her lover, if he really has tender feelings for her, will always follow her example.
I believe that you will succeed and the topic of mistakes in the relationship will soon cease to excite you. Thank you for trusting in this matter.