Complex and intricate relationships are the subject of many popular novels and films.
We with ecstasy observe and empathize with stories in which the man and the woman during long years quarrel and reconcile, converge and diverge, suffer and love.
As far as such love leaps and is true love – a question rather controversial. In real life, sometimes we are faced with the same real choice: is it worth starting a new relationship with a former partner or is it folk wisdom to re-visit the same pond more correctly?
When deciding to resume a relationship, psychologists advise not to lose sight of the story that was already between a man and a woman.
Sometimes the gaps really happen “hot”, because of an absurd quarrel or once a perfect mistake.
In such cases, parting helps to realize the value of lost relationships and to reconsider a lot in yourself and your character.
Then both of the couple have a chance to more consciously approach their partnership and make efforts to ensure that the love boat floats the intended course, rather than swinging on the waves of claims and mutual accusations until the next gap in the corps.
The chances are also great when you were together for a long time before the break and you are connected by common children, life, business, and if you managed to carry through at least a little love and respect to each other. Each pair goes through different stages in its development, and perhaps the gap, indeed, was a mistake and not the most successful anti-crisis solution.
But it is worth paying more attention to the so-called relapses in the relationship. If your man repeatedly changed, deceived, betrayed or humiliated you – then the probability of repeating exactly such negative stories is much greater than the notorious happy ending. And if the attempt of reunion is not the first, the probability of success and normal harmonious relations decreases with each such return in a geometric progression.
It is also important not to confuse the nostalgia of past love with the real opportunity to renew the relationship. Sometimes former men return to our lives for a short time, in order to amuse self-esteem and increase self-esteem, and not offer us a hand and heart.
And certainly it is not necessary to go on about your fears and persuasions of relatives, making a decision to return to previous relationships. Such a foundation, most likely, will become a support for a new and much more severe gap.
- If you weighed all the pros and cons and still decided to reunite, it is important to understand that work on yourself can not be avoided.
On the one hand, you are already familiar with many features of a person’s character and are united with him by a certain history as a couple. On the other hand, it will take a lot of effort to avoid previous mistakes, creating a completely new scenario of relations.
The first thing that will have to be left behind is your joint past, and together with it all the grievances and claims that have accumulated in it. Otherwise, with the first conflict, all the deeply hidden skeletons will necessarily appear outside and with a very high probability will grow into a repetition of the old finale.
To re-start a common life requires a lot of courage. The past will not only have to be let go, but also to reconsider it. Sometimes, in order to succeed, one has to admit, among other things, not the most pleasant truth about yourself and your actions.
It is also necessary to understand that the gap greatly changes relations and those who enter into them.
During the break and after it, each person undergoes many changes. In addition, you and the former man could have new habits, experience and even a way of life. Therefore, a great misconception will be to hope to recreate the same pair that you were once.
It is important to show patience and wisdom in relation to each other. The key to the success of those couples who managed to build a happy relationship again is a completely different pattern of interaction with each other.
To build it, you have to change many of your established habits and both understand why the first time nothing happened. And this is everyday work, requiring joint efforts.
Every day we have to work on our patience, will power, learn to listen, hear and understand who is next and build our actions accordingly.