Treason as a whip and betrayal too. Burning pain, a bloody scar, a long unhealed wound and scars for life, silently reminiscent of violence.
You changed your beloved? Why did he do this? The first thing you want to do is howl in an animal way and bite the one who hurt you so much.
This is an absolutely correct reaction of a person with a healthy psyche. You are not a robot. It hurts you, and the pain squeezed inside is a delayed-action mine, which sooner or later will work against you.
In the first minute, it’s excusable not to restrain emotions.
The main thing is not to get carried away, so as not to throw out the baby with water. Anger has no logic. The reason’s arguments are alien to him.
Hasty, rash, heated accusations made, you can finally finish the relationship and love, which gave a break. But any relationship can be saved.
If you are worried about the male view of the problem of betrayal, we will say directly – a woman SHOULD try to save the relationship.
Moreover – IT IS FOR IT!
But how to forgive treason after betrayal with your husband, you ask? Let’s understand together.
Step 1 – Understand what you lose
Being in the epicenter of betrayal, it is tempting to slam the door and leave. It seems to us that the problem can be escaped, that there will be peace and universal love out there. In reality, the opposite is true.
Going on the road, it is important to understand WHERE to go. But in our case, it is more important to be aware of WHERE. What you EXACTLY lose and what, CAN be, with a high probability of doubt receive in return.
Take a pen and a piece of paper. Write in one column the achievements of your life together with the husband, in the second – what you get in case of a divorce.
The first column is likely to be:
- Arranged life with established rules and established family traditions
- Children who equally strongly love mom and dad
- Joint birthdays, picnics and holidays, trips to vacation and to the country
- Experienced adversity, overcome illnesses, turmoil
- Characteristics of the nature of each member of the family, which you realized, accepted, learned to live with them
- Millions of kind and bright memories
In the second column:
- Wounded self-love
- And FULL UNKNOWN concerning the future
Are you ready to give up everything that you created with such difficulty and with such love? I’m sure the majority answer will be negative.
Step 2 – Determine the cause of treason
The truth is that 100% of scoundrels do not exist. In the incident, both are to blame. Relationships are the exchange of energy. We give what the partner needs, in return we get what we need. It is enough to fall out one link and the chain is torn.
The woman ceased to give her husband what her husband needs, then, because of what he once singled her out of millions of fair sex, choosing to be his wife.
The fault of the man is that he did not try to repair the link, but preferred the easy way – to look for the lost attention in the family, emotions, recognition …
If the husband has changed, then the relationship is no longer arranged. Something you are not made for. It remains to understand – WHY.
Can we talk. Without hysteria and accusations. As before, heart-to-heart. If the children are disturbed at home, have dinner in the restaurant, take a room in the hotel, go to the park, to some important places for you.
- Not ready to talk, afraid that you can not cope with yourself, start feeling sorry for yourself and blame your partner, write him a letter. We do not understand why modern people refuse such a powerful influence on the person’s SOUL as ordinary letters. Words written on paper have magical power. The fact that the conversation may not be heard, missed, not understood, through the letters penetrates directly into the heart.
And more, in the letter you can write what one can say with an eye to eye, not everyone will decide – very personal, intimate or not very pleasant things. No wonder they say that the paper will endure all.
Write about your love. The fact that you value relationships, you understand that in the incident there is a share of your guilt. That you want to save the family, but without his help are doomed to act like a blind kitten. Ask the husband to answer what he lacks in marriage, what needs to be changed and corrected.
Believe me, no man will not leave this step without attention. He understands that he is to blame. Awaiting a scandal. Ready to defend. Defense is an involuntary reaction to an attack. And instead receives a powerful confirmation that he was wrong.
It turns out that his wife, who, it seemed to him, changed beyond recognition, remained the same weak, sincere girl. She inspired him to feats. For her, he was GOD. She loved it so much. Nothing changed! Just life, vanity, problems blunted perception, made you less attentive to each other.
Ask your husband to write and arrange in descending order of quality, which are important to him in you. Do the same for your husband and hand him.
Step 3 – Change attitudes towards change
Having received the answer, do not be surprised.
You would never have guessed that the cause of betrayal lies in the points that your man indicated. You women think that a man needs one thing, we need absolutely the other. We are different and this is the power of our attraction.
We need to be the center of your universe. YOU will be her mistress, but she must revolve around us. A cutlet, perfect cleanliness, smooth stacks of ironed shirts and what else is there – nothing more than a pleasant bonus.
It turns out that you have ceased to satisfy your husband not specifically, not spitefully, not because he is no longer interesting to you, but because of ignorance. After all, this is not taught at home or at school. You will have an understanding of how to live on.
- One more thing. Knowing the cause of treason, it’s easier to change the attitude towards it. Try to understand that your loved one at some point became unhappy, he was ill and uncomfortable next to you. He suffered, he suffered. It was this dissatisfaction that pushed him to the path of sin. He was weak and now, when the fact of treason is revealed, he understands this no worse than you and suffers even more.
When you see that the cause of betrayal is weakness, not cunning, dislike, conscious betrayal, there is a desire to HELP to get out of a difficult situation. Having accepted a sinful and repentant man, a woman receives a completely different person and a completely different relationship. Stronger, mature, conscious.
Treat the unfortunate husband as a child. Remember the excerpt from “The Irony of Fate …” The son returns home after New Year’s Eve. The mother does not understand his actions, but does not scold him for betraying his future wife, for real threat to such a long-awaited marriage, she says: “Poor you are my child …” She takes it without hesitation and reproaches him as is, trusts him.
Instead of scandals and hysteria, try to understand and accept your husband. Imagine that this is your son changed his wife. Would you condemn him for seemingly disgusting act, knowing the true cause of unworthy behavior? I’m afraid not. You would take his side, because this is your flesh and blood, your favorite child and he was ill.
You do not need to become a mother for your husband. It’s just that this example is better than others to try on yourself, which means to continue to love and accept, no matter what.
We foresee that many readers will be outraged. Do not we put a lot on a woman. She must take care of her family and husband, cherish and cherish him, and also forgive all his sins. And what should a husband?
So the world works. In return, we receive. But you should give it NECESSARY, and not what is available or what you think should be given.
For example, it seems to you that cleanliness in the house is more important than a manicure. On your scale of values, above cleanliness is only the ability to cook. And your husband first wants to see in you a well-groomed, effective woman. It turns out that you act out of good motives, focusing on your values. He values you on the basis of his priorities. It seems to you, you are giving 100%, and the husband is not satisfied. He gets, but not what he needs first. He wanted a candy, and gave a sandwich. Certainly, a sandwich is more useful. But there is no happiness!
That’s why relationships in the style of “I love you in my own way, and you love me in my opinion” are doomed to failure. It’s a one-way game. By giving what your man needs, you will almost instantly begin to GET what you need. The main thing is to understand what you expect from each other, which is important for each of you.
By changing attitudes towards treason, you begin to treat it not as an incurable disease, but as an ordinary disease with which medicine successfully fights. The main thing – to want.
Step 4 – Femininity, once again femininity
We again return to the theme of femininity. Since it contains the solution of many problems and the problems of treason in particular.
In most cases, a man who has stepped on the path of betrayal, has ceased to be missed in the wife of FAMILY in its different manifestations .
Tenderness, attention, fragility, weakness, pleasant appearance. Every man looks for a woman next to which feels like a real man. And you were once such a woman!
Develop these qualities in yourself.
Between the concepts of FEELING a real man and BE a real man is almost always worth = a sign of equality.
Femininity is the fertile soil on which you can nurture your Napoleon, the president, the genius, the real man in your understanding.
Instead of output:
Forgive treason is difficult. This is not an act of will: said = did.
The soul will be ill for a long time. It is even longer to pursue fear and distrust towards a partner. Never will relationships become like they were before.
You will get to know each other deeper. Discover new facets in your beloved. You do not have to start all over again, stepping on the same rake. You save and increase what you have.
Agree, it’s worth it.
In addition, living with a light soul is easier than with a stone on the heart.
Write in the comments your opinion, how to survive the betrayal of your husband?