How to cope with the Cinderella complex?

We are brought up on fairy tales with a happy ending and sincerely believe that from the whirlwind of hardships and misfortunes the beautiful and noble prince will save us.

He will take us to the far-away kingdom, where we will live for ourselves in pleasure and we will not know.

In the meantime, we obediently agree with all the adversities of fate, take one blow after another, humbly substituting the left and right cheek, and all waiting, waiting and waiting… In psychology, this attitude to life is called the Cinderella complex, and it affects far more women, Than we can imagine.

Remember the heroine of Charles Perrault’s fairy tale: she is attached to her father, who in all respects obeys his despotic wife – the stepmother of a young girl. Cinderella performs any, even the most absurd, orders of step-sisters and their mother. She lives in her dreams and fantasies, not trying to change anything in real life.

The people around do not take the girl seriously, believing that she can not make independent decisions, but to rebuff the offenders – and even more so.

The only hope of Cinderella is a sudden miracle , which, I must say, might not happen. How to cope with the Cinderella complex

Let the poor girl be lucky, but this is only one chance in a million: the rest of the Cinderellas, who are today a myriad of people, continue to sit in one place, hoping for someone’s good will and not applying even the slightest effort to change their hard life.

They allow others to sit on their necks and hang their legs. These girls do not even know how to deal with someone else’s negative influence.

What are they – modern Cinderella? They are modest and content with the small. They allow others to sit on their necks and hang their legs.

These girls do not even know how to deal with someone else’s negative influence.

Any thought of struggle gives them fear. Cinderella do not take responsibility: they do not know how to do this, preferring that in a difficult situation, someone makes a decision for them.

They want to be good for everyone around, so they regularly attack their desires on their throats. And, finally, the Cinderella are constantly hovering in the clouds: they dream of a big and pure love, of a dizzying success, of universal recognition. What do these women do to fulfill their desires? That’s right, nothing. They just dream, that’s all.

If you recognize yourself in this description and you do not like it at all, then it’s time to change something. Of course, you, like Cinderella, find it difficult to find the strength and somehow change your own life, but you’ll have to try.

Otherwise, you risk so and remain only a humble step-daughter, who knows how skillfully to scrub the pots and sort out the rump.

Understand the causes

Some psychologists say that most Cinderellas like to feel victimized and this behavior is essentially their voluntary choice.

Of course, you can be indignant: “Do not I want to be ignored and take me seriously?”, But think about this: you used to measure life with “good – bad” categories. It’s good to be kind, hardworking, submissive, pure, and unblemished. It is not good to impose your point of view on others, not to help your neighbor, to be cruel to others.

You are good, they are bad.

You, as a true martyr, endure all blows of fate, because it can not be different, that’s your share. Your suffering proves once again that you are doing everything “right”, so you persist in suffering.

Perhaps in childhood, parents beat you in the head that all good things in life should be earned: hard work, deprivation and, finally, a whip, without which there is no carrot.

So you live in full confidence that it can not be otherwise, and your suffering is a constant confirmation that you are on the right path to your happiness.

Do not look for a strong shoulder

Of course, it’s important when you have a person around whom you can rely, but if you are looking for strong shoulders only to shift to them all responsibility for your own actions and thoughts, then stop and think: “Am I not capable of myself to dispose of his life?

Why can others do this, but I do not?

Why should someone be responsible for me and for myself? “There is nothing terrible in one day to realize: you are free to make your own decisions, you can not want something and no one will make you do it.

You will see, in time you will begin to experience the pleasure of such a life approach.

Believe in yourself

You need to believe in your own strength and finally return to reality from the world of dreams and fantasies.

No, this does not mean that from now on you should stop dreaming of happiness and love , just do not devote yourself to those dreams, completely forgetting about what surrounds you in reality.

Especially since in reality you will not be surrounded by anything worthless unless you do it by yourself, do not take to improving it yourself.

You need to believe in your own strength and finally return to reality from the world of dreams and fantasies.

Learn to say “no”

The very idea of ​​a refusal for the Cinderella is akin to something revolutionary, but that’s what you need-to lead a small revolution in the soul and in relationships with others.

So stop being afraid that they will turn away from you, they will not love you, but listen to their desires – they surely have you.

Do not want to meet with a bored friend who constantly “loads” you with their problems? Tell her no. If you are not yet ready to voice the real reason, come up with an excuse, but in no case step on your throat to your desires, trying to be good for everyone except yourself.

On the prince, hope, and itself is not bad

In the fairy tale Cinderella meets the beautiful prince, and they live happily ever after.

In reality, everything is much more prosaic: Cinderellas do not cease to be even after their marriage.

They require husbands of increased attention, suffer (they also like it), when the beloved does not respond to their all-consuming tenderness and affection, they literally choke him with their care.

Feeling that in these relations there is not a drop of freedom, men tend to slowly but surely move away from the Cinderella, and they continue to suffer, but already for another reason.

So do not expect that with the advent of a loved one in your life, it will play bright colors.

Men love self-sufficient women, which must be achieved even after several years of marriage. Be a mystery girl, not a girl “I’m all yours, I will not let you go for a second”.

2017-08-23T14:20:27+00:00

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