Age, when you had your first sexual experience, may have unexpected consequences in the future.
We knows, some, maybe, and do not remember every time they had sexual contacts, but we all remember when it was the first time.
The first impressions are forever remembered, and they are very significant in shaping our overall impression.
Hence the importance of the first date in a relationship.
We remember our first sexual experience, because he or she was the first.
But we also remember this because it was sex.
Sex in the literal sense of the word is the main existential problem, and thus has a tendency to resonate deep and wide in our minds.
Sex, like money, can never be on its own, but serves as an environment through which we manifest and experience – often indirectly and unconsciously – many other things.
Sexual behavior is one of the forms of self-expression, through which we can find out and test our deep values, priorities, fears and desires.
Thus, our sexual behavior reflects us in ourselves as a mirror. In addition, sexual contact, being a contact, is also a social act.
Because, even if the act itself is private, in the end, everyone probably knows about this, even if kept in secret.
This knowledge will influence our position in the social world.
Our sex life is an important marker of both our personality and our social identity.
The first sexual experience
Now the question: Why did you have sex for the first time just when you did it?
Why not sooner or later?
This question is interesting not least because it deals with human decision making.
Life, in a sense, is a sequence of decisions.
If we can better understand our internal decision-making processes, we will better understand ourselves and others as human beings. We will be in a better position to anticipate, adjust and harmonize our interpersonal and social relationships.
Psychology presents two points of view on this issue. One of them sees people as rational beings who seek to achieve their interests through conscious thinking and calculation.
This point of view focuses on the role of human knowledge, plans and intentions in their decisions. In this matter, it is implied that you have heard about what is called sex and decided to have sexual relations; You chose a pleasant partner, time and place, and then you had sex.
And you had your first sexual experience.
The second school sees people as much less organized beings, less active and more reactive.
The question with this approach is not formulated “What are you going to do?”, But, “What are you ready to do?” According to this view, the first sexual experience with you happened, because at some point you were ready, and you said to yourself – “Hell, why not; Yes.”
The truth is that we include both of these strategies. We all can recall solutions (sexual and from other spheres of life) when we studied and suffered, and those decisions that we jumped spontaneously, on the fly.
Surprisingly, we often spend much more energy, time, thoughts and intentions on the substance of making trivial decisions (which phone should I buy?) Than in really important decisions (how should I live?).
Making really important life decisions – what kind of work or career to continue, where to live, with whom – is more likely to happen to us as we are ready than will be done by us in the deliberate process of orderly and rational deliberation.
Buying your new iPhone, you show awareness, market research, pricing and planning. Your life partner – most often, you accidentally met with him when you were ready for a relationship.
In any case, many factors determine the decision about the first sexual experience when having sex for the first time. How these factors interact with each other is not always clear. In the psychological literature, for example, a correlation is shown between the level of intelligence of adolescents and their age of onset of sexual activity.
Smart, good students are waiting. What for? Do not just answer. Perhaps smart students understand that it is worth waiting with the first sexual experience because of the risks inherent in sexual relations.
On the other hand, good students can spend too much time on training sessions, spending time in the library, which reduces the opportunity to find a partner for the first sexual experience.
In this context, it is also known a tendency in psychological literature that girls who grew up without a father tend to have a first sexual experience earlier than girls who grew up with their father. The reasons for this pattern are not simple to understand. The absence of a father can directly affect the behavior of girls.
Or it can change the financial aspect of the family situation, which in turn can cause changes in the behavior of girls.
Perhaps the absence of a father reduces family supervision. In addition, it is quite possible that the withdrawal of the father is an expression of his genetic temperament of impulsiveness, let’s say, which he passed on to his daughter, and her early beginning of sexual life is an expression of this general nature.
Another interesting theory sees essentially the evolutionary mechanism in this. A teenage girl in a stable environment can delay the onset of sexual activity, as she and her genes are protected. A teenage girl in an unstable environment may have to hurry to reproduce and transfer her genes, because who knows what will happen to her tomorrow.
The first sexual experience and further life
In addition to the decision on the first sexual experience and the reasons for its adoption, another question looms in a modern society in which the considerations of virginity and marriage largely ceased to be decisive factors – can the timing of sexual intercourse really predict the important results of life?
Obviously, the timing of the onset of sexual activity can have serious consequences for the further biography of a person.
For example, if you had a first sexual experience with a loving and considerate partner, this experience can influence your sex life from then until now.
On the other hand, if your parents forced you in the middle of the act and were furious, feelings of trauma and shame can continue to manifest in your future sexual relationships.
But for each of our personal stories, science is looking for general patterns. In this connection, the question arises: can the timing of the onset of sexual activity predict the future? The answer, in general, apparently, yes.
Most studies show that sex at a young age (up to 15 years) increases the level of risk for future mental and physical health difficulties (depression, unplanned pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases).
What about those who prefer to wait until the end of adolescence? Recently, Katherine Harden, a researcher at the University of Texas at Austin, published an interesting study. Harden divided the participants into three groups, depending on their timing of the onset of sexual activity: an early group, the first sexual experience before the age of 15; Group, the first sexual experience between 15-19 years, and the group, the first sex after 19.
Harden tested several indicators of the quality of adult life of participants as they relate to their data on the initiation of sexual activity.
It is interesting to note that Harden’s data did not show any difference between the early group and the second group. But those participants who waited with sex for at least twenty years, were significantly different from other groups. They earned more money, acquired a better education, had fewer partners, and had fewer problems with their marriage.
What are the reasons for this relationship? It’s not easy to answer.
It is possible that young men and women who choose to postpone sex, are characterized by some past influences – a good early attachment in relationships with parents, for example. Perhaps those who are delayed with the first sexual experience have some particular temperamental component that makes it easier for them to delay satisfaction.
The ability to delay satisfaction is usually known as a predictor of health and success in many areas of life. Perhaps, late sexual relations indicate a weak sexual attraction, and, therefore, freedom to decide things calmly and rationally in adolescence and adulthood. Perhaps those who wait with the first sex are very selective.
On the other hand, it may be, of course, that those who came to sex later did not benefit from the fact that they did it later, but because they were rid of all these uncomfortable, premature sexual events , Which can leave scars. Looking back, many of those who had early sex would characterize early sexual intercourse, like good ones, and promote empowerment?
According to Harden, the decision to have the first sexual experience is a good indicator for the quality of matrimonial relationships in the future. (This study does not contain information on middle-aged or older pairs.)
Obviously, this does not mean that everyone who is waiting with the first sexual experience will have a happy marriage, just as we can not conclude that early sex necessarily breeds the unfortunate marriage.
Psychological research deals with probabilities. Even the connection between drunk driving and traffic accidents, for example, does not at all mean that every drunken driver gets into an accident, and only drunk drivers get into accidents.
In general, much remains to be discovered about how we decided to start having sex, as well as the meaning and consequences of the decision about the first sexual experience.
We recommend our readers a free online marathon “Women’s Sexual Excellence”, which will be held on March 21-25 and on which you will learn how to reveal sexuality in yourself, how to please yourself and your partner, how and when to switch to sex.