The sense of self-esteem is directly related to people’s perception of themselves as a good person.
Psychologists argue that there are two types of “good” people – some cause appreciation and respect, others use and treat them badly.
What type of good people do you consider yourself?
Test your self-esteem with the questions below.
Sense of self-esteem
Here are a few questions for self-assessment:
- Is it hard for you to say “no” in response to the requests of others, even if they are unreasonable?
- Do you often feel undervalued and take it for granted?
- Do you have a feeling that someone has used you either for work or for personal relationships?
- Do you allow people to give you ungrateful tasks that they do not want to do themselves?
- Do you often agree with what others say, even if you in your heart of hearts think differently?
- Your kindness and dedication often remain unanswered?
- Are you afraid to be rejected if you do not agree with the whims and demands of others?
- How do you care for others – in the first place? And last but not least – about yourself?
If you answered “YES” to any of the questions asked, you may be “too good”, at least in some areas of your life. And your sense of self-esteem leaves much to be desired.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with being good. The world is getting better with more kind-heated and generous people. At the same time, it is important to be good in such a way that it is good for all participants in the communication (and for you too), and did not negatively affect your sense of self-worth.
Here are five keys to receiving appreciation and respect.
Five keys that will help you
1. Practice of self-esteem – know your individual rights
Many researchers argue that a sense of inner control over our own lives is one of the important conditions for mental health. A healthy sense of control arises from the feeling of one’s right to establish one’s own priorities, to say no, not feeling guilty, to protect oneself from harm, to choose healthy relationships and create one’s own happiness in life.
From time to time it’s just more sensible to take care of yourself first, as a result, you can be better and more natural in communicating with others.
Your life is your life, and you have the strength to make decisions. No one can take this power from you unless you allow it. Know your individual rights and develop a sense of self-esteem.
2. Change your attitude to being good all the time
Feel and realize the difference between being good, because you want it, compared to being good, because you have to. In the first case – it comes from your heart, in the second – is perceived as a burden.
“Good” people often associate the need to do something for someone with erroneous negative thoughts and emotions. For example:
- Negative thought: “I’m selfish if I do not help my friends all the time.”
- Negative emotion: feelings of guilt and a decrease in self-esteem.
- Negative thought: “She will not love me if I do not agree with what she wants.”
- Negative emotion: Fear of being rejected.
It is important to know that no one should expect to be good all the time. This is neither reasonable nor real.
3. Do not try to please everyone and do not try to please one person all the time
Nobody can please everyone all the time, so please do not even try.
People who receive it from you on a regular basis are very likely to take it for granted.
Find the strength to set boundaries and say “no”, while maintaining a sense of self-esteem.
4. Know how to say “no” – gently but firmly
Effectively formulated refusal allows you to stand on your own and at the same time keep the world in communication.
Saying no, you can focus on things that are really important to you.
5. You are not responsible for the feelings of others
Sometimes we feel obligated to do something for others, because we do not want them to feel bad, even if it’s unreasonable.
In such situations it is important to remember that while we are fair, reasonable and conscientious, we are not responsible for the feelings of others. If you deny the unreasonable requests of others and they do not like it, so be it. They will survive it. At the same time, you teach them to treat you with great attention and respect.
In conclusion, I want to say, there is absolutely nothing wrong with offering your kindness and generosity to those who need them, or deserve it, or simply because you have a big heart.
Compassion makes the world a better place. At the same time, it is wise to be a good person who knows how to establish the appropriate boundaries and not lose a sense of self-esteem.
A good person deserves the same love, appreciation and respect that he gives to others.
And he gets them when he begins to love, appreciate and respect himself.
You deserve it no less.