I recently pulled an excellent milling chair out of a heap of rubbish on the side of the road.
If my wife finds out about this, she will have a heart attack (she asked me not to drag home things I found in the garbage), so I hide it in the country and I hope that it does not stink so much.
What’s bad about it?
All men have secrets that they do not want to share with their wives or with the rest of the world.
Because of these secrets, we feel a little crazy.
From this very paragraph, I, like WikiLeaks, begin to open the darkest corners of my mind, so that mutual understanding between men and women would triumph.
And I bet that at least one item from my list will match with a paragraph from your man’s unwritten list.
1. I pretend to be dead, not to engage in all sorts of stupidities
Men “get sick” or even deliberately arrange themselves injuries so as not to go to the niece’s birthday or avoid dinner with the wife’s parents to quietly sit back while you want us to fix the current tap. Many guys “pretend to be dead,” because some of the things that you women want are just as interesting as … fixing a crane.
In my case, this is when the children begin to cry in the middle of the night. I just see the sweetest of dreams. By the way, children begin to cry even harder, when I appear in the room – crashing into everything on my way and swearing. So I pretend to be asleep, despite the yelling, and let my wife take care of the children.
I know for sure that on such a night my wife falls asleep just in the morning, but something tells me that I should not interfere.
2. I behaved irresponsibly right up until my wedding
Guys cling to bachelor life with all their might. The most striking example of this is a bachelor party. I worked as a security guard at the bar and was amazed that the guys thought it was okay to walk thoroughly with a stripper the week before they got married.
I did not have a stag party (I worked at such security events, I lost interest in them), but I enjoyed every second until the decisive moment.
My bride made it clear that drunken parties would mean the cancellation of our wedding, so I ran away from her secretly, when I could, until we exchanged rings.
I know it sounds childish, but before I got married, I thought that turning from a boyfriend into a husband is just as radical an event as changing day and night and that I’ll wake up in the morning a completely different person. Believe it or not, it happened to me.
3. I miss casual sex
I like being married, and I appreciate a monogamous relationship. This allows you to focus on things that were not available to me when I was walking in search of adventure.
However, I liked to wander into a bar and go out with a stranger, with whom I could spend a couple of cheerful hours without any obligations. It’s great for self-esteem, especially if you do not look like Tom Brady. Besides, it’s romantic.
No, this is not Disney’s romance, rather, the romance in the style of Nina Simon: melancholic, intoxicating, very adult and French eccentric. Who would not want to feel a little French from time to time?
4. I have an unusual way to calm down
When I go to an interview or find myself in an uncomfortable situation (for example, in a company of many new people for me) or I need a little luck, I put my wife’s underwear in my pocket. Surprise, honey! Obviously, my habit is not as strange as I thought: I learned from several women and they told me similar stories about their husbands who, going to work, wanted to know what color the clothes were wearing on their wives, or kept it in the table In his office.
It seems to me that I do this later so that the thoughts of my wife soothe me, and thoughts of sex give me an incentive to work more effectively. Tearing my fingers with lacy lingerie in my pocket, I could hear “The sun, you were taken to this job! Let’s note it! ”
5. I play down my expenses
When I tell my wife about my purchases, I understate the amount by 15-25%. So, if I bought shoes for ten thousand rubles, I tell her that I paid six and a half. My friends and I call it “the price for a wife.” Honestly, I and she caught on like.
I think this is due to the fact that we have had problems with finances for a long time, so we constantly expect that something bad will happen, and we need to postpone these very 15-25% for the inevitably coming black day.
Wow, I already feel relieved.
What I wrote frees me from having to tell my wife where her panties go or what a strange smell comes from the barn.
I am sure that she will extract something useful from this information, and this will allow our relations to move to a new level of mutual understanding. Is not it so, dear?