We all get angry sometimes, get angry and go into a rage.
Someone more often, someone less often.
Some spit out anger at others, others keep within themselves.
Clinical psychologist Luna Shah gives 10 tips on how to properly respond to manifestations of anger and hostility.
We all dream to live in peace and harmony with others, but practically every day we become victims or witnesses of aggression.
We quarrel with spouses and children, listen to the angry tirades of the chiefs and the indignant cries of neighbors, we encounter rude people in the store and public transport.
It’s impossible to avoid aggression in the modern world, but you can learn to deal with it with fewer losses.
1. If someone splashes anger on you personally or by phone, do not try to stop it.
As a rule, a man calms himself. The stock of words and emotions dries up if you do not feed them.
It’s foolish and useless to shake the air if no one reacts to it.
2. This advice is similar to the previous one: Silently listen to the aggressor, you can occasionally nod your head, depicting attention and participation.
This behavior is likely to disappoint the person who is trying to provoke a quarrel, and he will go scandalous elsewhere.
3. Show empathy.
You will say that this is stupid and illogical: he screams at you, but you sympathize with him.
But it is the paradoxical reactions that will help to pacify the one who is trying to provoke retaliatory aggression.
Tell him: “It must be very hard for you” or “Oh, it’s really awful and outrageous!”. But be careful. Do not say: “I’m sorry that you feel this way.” Do not express a personal attitude to what is happening and do not apologize. This will only pour oil on the fire, and the ruffian will continue his speech with great enthusiasm.
Ask the aggressor a question that he most likely knows the answer to. Even the most unrestrained man will not refuse to show awareness
4. Change the subject.
Ask the aggressor a question that he most likely knows the answer to. Even the most unrestrained man will not refuse to show his knowledge.
If you do not know what he is versed in, as a neutral or personal question. Everyone likes to talk about themselves.
5. If a person is furious and you do not feel safe, refer to the case and go away. He, most likely, will be silent from surprise, change his tone or go in search of new listeners.
6. You can say that you had a hard day and you can not help the interlocutor cope with his problems, you do not have emotional resources for it.
Such a statement will turn the situation around 180 degrees.
Now you are an unhappy victim who complains to the interlocutor for a living. And how then can you continue to pour on your anger?
7. If the aggressor is not indifferent to you, you can try to assess the feelings that he wants to express.
But you need to do it sincerely. You can say: “I see you’re just furious” or “I do not know how you manage!”.
Do not let me impose an aggressive manner of communication, Dictate your style.
8. Redirect the aggressor to another “playground”. Suggest discussing the problem by phone or explain it in a letter.
In one blow you will kill two birds with one stone: get rid of the communication with the source of aggression and show him that there are other opportunities to express feelings.
9. Ask to speak more slowly, referring to the fact that you do not have time to realize what has been said.
When a person gets angry, he usually speaks very quickly.
When heat your request begins to pronounce the words slowly and distinctly, anger passes.
10. Become an example for others.
Talk calmly and slowly, even if the interlocutor loudly and quickly screams offensive words.
Do not let me impose an aggressive manner of communication. Dictate your style.
These ten tips are not suitable for all cases: if a person is constantly behaving aggressively, it is better to stop communicating with him.