Remember your last quarrel with him. Unpleasant memory, right?
He was angry and could barely restrain himself so as not to break into a scream. You looked at your man and could not understand: is this your favorite or completely alien person who does not understand you?
A lump of resentment and irritation stuck in my throat and … a wave of feelings overwhelmed you: the words themselves burst out.
Congratulations, dear, you lost control of the situation. The result – the problem that you discussed – is not solved, the atmosphere in the house is heated, the relationship is spoiled.
Familiar story? I know that yes. Therefore, I decided to write this article to tell you that there are 10 phrases that should be avoided when you have a serious conversation with a man.
Excluding them, you can better understand each other , and get a completely different result.
Do not bring the relationship to a situation where the head hurts over the question “why a man is leaving . “After all, I want you to be happy and be able to behave properly and in a feminine way even in conflict situations.
This I tell in detail in my course “The Way of a Woman.” When you pass him, you will become one of the few women who do not even conflict with men. And if they are in conflict – they do it right 😉
Here I will give examples of phrases that you must forget, if you want the next time the conflict does not turn into a scandal.
The phrase number 1. “I do not care how you want”
When all the arguments are over, you instinctively can try to avoid conflict, saying something like: “I do not care. If you want so, let it be so . ”
When you realize that your man is about to be offended or angry, this can really be scary enough. But the ability to find solutions to problems together is part of a strong relationship. After all, true intimacy is not only about warm, pleasant and tender feelings. It’s about the ability to let others feel safe enough that you can even get angry. And this is an indicator of healthy relations.
Next time, do not say that you do not care, do not get out of the conflict, but be patient and listen to it to the end.
The phrase number 2. “Yes, all this nonsense!”
When you are talking in the key “I’m right, you’re wrong” – it’s always a losing option. Start a conversation with what you agree with, and then add your vision of the situation, saying: “And you can look at it from the other side. Here look…”.
So you show that the opinion of your man is important to you, and thus you will have more chances to come to a common solution that will satisfy both.
The phrase number 3. “Excellent! Simply super! “
Come on without sarcasm. Efficiency from him is zero, and it can be very good to undermine confidence. This is such a passive-aggressive way to express your opinion, which is still not clear to the partner. Better tell the man straight and honestly what you think.
Sarcasm is only able to warm up the already heated feelings. You have a completely different goal. Remove the sarcastic remarks from the conversation and it will be more successful.
The phrase number 4. “You never …”
When you say to a man “you always” or “you never “, you force him to take a defensive position and justify himself. Better not to blame, but try to explain to him your feelings. For example, instead of: “You always get so long that we are always late for friends” , say something like: “Every time we are late, I worry that our friends will take offense at us.”
In general, the phrases “always” and “never” are best removed from their vocabulary – they add drama to any conversation.
The phrase number 5. “Hush-quiet! Calm down you already! “
Do not tell such a man. Just do not say it.
This soothing phrase can produce quite the opposite effect. Because, behind it there is a psychological barrier, which can be expressed by the phrase: “I can not bear the fact that you are upset or angry.”
One of the main principles of strong relationships is to enable the partner to show feelings. All feelings, even negative.
So instead of calming a man, better ask him sincerely why he is angry or upset.
The phrase number 6. “But …”
By default, this refutes everything that the man said before.
A short “but” removes everything that was said before it, like the “Beckspace” key on the keyboard. You do not love, when what you say is dissolved in the air, does not reach your man’s ears or remains without his attention? So is he.
In place of “but” put in your answer the words “and” or “at the same time . ” The meaning of the message from this will not change. At the same time, this form of communication will seem to your man more pleasant by ear. So you show that his opinion is important to you and gently express your point of view, perhaps quite the opposite.
The phrase number 7. “Let’s stop at this”
The quarrel = stress. And you can understand if one of you wants to stop and exhale. But when the annoyance rolls over, you can not just stop the conversation.
And yet you can let the man know that you need a pause. Tell him about it this way: “I need to take a timeout and digest it all. I promise that we will definitely return to this and talk about calmly. ”
The phrase number 8. “You are such a —–“
Even if your man in the conversation “presses” on your most painful points, do not do the same in response. A call – it’s already go over all boundaries. This is about the humiliation of men, and not about solving problems.
You must remember that this whole conversation was not started in order to practice in a qualitative way to offend another person. The purpose of your communication is to find a solution to the problem. Focus on this yourself and direct the attention of the man.
The Phrase No. 9. “Why do we have such a complicated relationship?”
And who told you that relationships are easy? Maybe in the movies and easily, but not in real life. You have to work on them and on yourself.
If your relationship is going through bad times – look for help. It can be a family psychologist or an expert in a relationship. And do not take it as an extreme measure. This is not true. Look at this as an opportunity to learn how to communicate effectively with your man, better understand it and gently, but wisely manage your relationship.
Relations with a man are a professional level of partnership that requires you to have professional skills. Such a woman’s education you can get on the course “The Way of a Woman” on which you will learn to communicate with your man so that conflict situations become a rarity in your home.
The phrase number 10. “I guess I better just go”
Hinting at breaking relations is the worst thing that can be done in a conflict situation. With these words, you cut off big chunks of confidence pie in your relationship, especially if you threaten to “end” after each quarrel or even every time you get angry.
Perceive the conflict with a man not as an end, but as a new opportunity to make your relationship stronger.
When a man expresses his opinion, which does not coincide with yours at all, remember that at the very moment when he looks at you and speaks, he waits for you to hear him and understand.
You can disagree with him, but you do not have to immediately tell him about it – answer the argument with an argument. Stop and just say: “As you say. I hear you. I understand you . ”
I sincerely hope that my advice will help you. The next time you need to discuss the problem with your man, I’m sure that you will remember my words and conduct the conversation in the way that only the wisest women know how.
And remember: a man needs your love most when it least deserves it. Conflict is just such a situation.
Thank you for finding the time and reading my article. It means that you have a desire to work on yourself and make your life better. And if it is so – I am sincerely glad about it. By the way, find out what is best to avoid in life and get a greater personal result. Write your questions in the comments and we will discuss them together.
Yes, what do you really know about a trusting relationship with a man? think and comment down.